Satire by John W. Lillpop
Helen Thomas of the White House press corps is a staple of American politics. She also sports a face and voice that only a mother could truly love.
Provided said mum happened to be both blind and deaf!
Ms. Thomas has been haunting presidential press conferences for nearly 50 years. Before that, she was Herman Munster on The Adams Family, a role for which she was uniquely qualified because she required no make up.
Even earlier, Thomas was the scare crow in the Wizard of Oz.
Solely because of Helen Thomas, the folks who run Washington, D.C., have been unable to outlaw paper bags, a green fad popular in most other liberal-infested metropolitan cities.
The CIA once planned to make flyers featuring Helen's mug shot with the following inscription in Arabic: "72 Virgins Like This Await You!"
The idea was to drop said flyers on Al-Quaeda training camps in Afghanistan, thereby ending Osama bin Laden's ability to mastermind a respectable Jihad, once and for all.
The plan was scrapped when Madeline Albright threatened to sue the CIA for equal time and her own anti-terror flyer series.
As the oldest living journalist to be on the payroll of both the DNC and UPI at the same time, Thomas sports decades of wear and tear played out on her haggard face.
During the Bush presidency, I perceived Helen Thomas to be arbitrary, petty, biased, combative, disrespectful, and irrelevant. She was clearly anti-Bush, anti-Republican and anti-conservative.
And as ugly as sin to boot!
However, now that the Obama administration is in charge, a major CHANGE seems to overtaken the crusty old journalist.
Mind you, she is still as ugly as the devil.
But her inane questions, now aimed at Robert Gibbs, new White House Press Secretary, seem more measured, more rational, and less offensive.
For the first time ever, I found myself secretly rooting for Thomas to ask the tough, dirty questions, and shouting "Do not pull any punches, Helen!" at the television screen.
Perhaps there is something to that CHANGE stuff after all?
