Obama's Flip-Flops Bamboozle the Left!

By John Lillpop


When Barack Obama started his fairy tale run for the White House, the operative term was CHANGE.

CHANGE this, CHANGE that, CHANGE everything, was the promise from the charismatic young Marxist who set the nation afire with his naive exuberance, confident demeanor, and ability to send "inevitability Queen" Hillary Clinton back to the US Senate with her tail between her legs and about $20 million missing from her personal checking account.

Those were the heady days of January through May when Obama took on the persona of a rock star, not only in America but also throughout the world.

As a rock star, Obama would probably be a terrific candidate; in fact, he would be nearly unbeatable.

But being commander-in-chief of the most powerful nation on earth is a bit more challenging that that. Indeed, when one is running for the presidency, voters expect the candidate to state his positions clearly and to stick to them.

However, much to the chagrin of dim wits at moveon.orgy and other lefty goons, Barack Obama has started backing away from his agenda of change on an almost daily basis.

Remember these promises?

Elect me, he said, and we will bring the troops home in 16 months.

Elect me, he said, and we will rework NAFTA to meet the needs of American labor.

Elect me, he said, and I will meet with terrorists like Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad without pre-conditions.

Elect me, he said, and there will be no retroactive immunity for phone companies that helped the government implement warrantless wiretapping programs.

In addition, Obama made a commitment to participate in public financing as a way to indemnify his campaign from entanglements with unsavory lobbyists and influence buyers.

Once Hillary Clinton was vanquished and the nomination assured, Barack Obama skated away from his earlier promises apparently with impunity.

Left wing fools like those at moveon.orgy are finally catching on--they have been bamboozled, big time, by the brother with Muslim first, middle, and last names!

Contrary to earlier promises, if elected, Obama will:

NOT bring the troops home in sixteen months;

NOT Work to re-negotiate NAFTA;

NOT Meet with the world's terrorists without pre-conditions, and

NOT oppose retroactive immunity for warrantless wiretapping.

And he has already sworn off public financing!

In truth, Barack Obama is nothing more than an old school politician, indistinguishable from all the others who work to assure that the status quo is maintained at all costs.

Still, it is very entertaining to watch the left squirm and squeal as Obama slip slides further and further away from their wrong headed communist agenda!

Watermelon: Modern Day Love Potion?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Modern medicine has blessed mankind (and indirectly, womankind) with the miracle of Viagara, a costly but effective solution to "Missile Fizzle," euphemistically known as erectile dysfunction (ED).

Although Viagara is as manna from Heaven to those who suffer the withering effects of ED, medicine appears to have stumbled on a relatively inexpensive alternative that could revolutionize courtship, mating, and, in more severe instances, love itself.

Specifically, scientists in Lubbock, Texas report that a slice of cold watermelon can have almost the same effect on one's sexual "readiness to serve" as Viagara!

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D91M5EQ0B&show_article=1

Before delving into the details of watermelon as the cure all for those unable to rise to the occasion in life's most intimate moments, one should pause to ask, "What sort of perverted scientist would waste laboratory time speculating about the aphrodisiac qualities of watermelon?"

How is it that this hypothesis was even posed in the first place?

Perhaps some cross eyed nerd in a lab coat and face mask too tightly bound to his cranium allowed his fertile mind to wander a bit too much.

If so, he most likely asked himself, "Would watermelon improve the statistical probability of me being able to perform like a stud, instead of a dud, when it comes to intercourse? At a 95 percent confidence level with all "outliers" removed or accounted for?"

Thus was born a federal grant authorized by the FDA for a research project lasting five years and costing taxpayers $10 billion, not including abortion or delivery costs resulting from overly productive experiments!


Watermelon as a love potion will surely change most aspects of romance.

On Valentine's Day, for instance, amorous-minded males might eschew the traditional gift of chocolates and red roses, and instead bring their fair maiden a slice of cold watermelon and two forks.

Or, in the case of men over 55, two slices of watermelon and one fork, kept securely tucked away in his locked attaché case.

Taking the object of one's affection out to an expensive five star restaurant for a $200 prime rib dinner could become foolish and "old school" if a $3.50 slice of watermelon could accomplish the same result in one's apartment!

The only potential drawback would be awkward moments during a first date. How to explain those cold watermelons rolling around on the floor between the driver and passenger seats in one's convertible Mustang?

Still, the really skilled man will be able to convince his maiden to fetch the watermelon for him. The only question that a properly trained woman should have is, "Seedless or not, love?"

Some women, like the feminist fascists portrayed in the book, "She Inc." authored by Kenneth J. Gross, will resist fetching watermelons for their men.

Fret not, my male comrades: Without exception, all such women are not worth a slice of valuable watermelon rind anyhow!



SheInc.

Governor Gavin Newsom?

By John W. Lillpop


Dear San Francisco Taxpayers:

So, the administration of Mayor Gavin Newsom has spent $2.3 million of your money to house juvenile illegal aliens, rather than turning the felons over to federal authorities for deportation.

In addition, some kids were flown home to Honduras at your expense because some airhead bureaucrat was concerned that deportations on the brats' records would have kept them from coming back to America in the future. *

Has anyone checked the water in San Francisco lately for IQ diluting toxins? Being outrageously liberal is bad enough, but when your elected leaders deliberately work to shield foreign felons from justice, on the taxpayer's dime no less, isn't it time to at least consider a different approach, a new ideology, another party?

Mind you, all may not be lost if this stupendous act of stupidity and poor judgment terminates Newsom's aspirations for higher elective office.

Governor Newsom? Senator Newsom? President Newsom? The mind boggles!

* SF Gate: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/07/02/BAU911IPGK.DTL&tsp=1

Twelve Steps of Illegal Aliens Anonymous

Satire by John W. Lillpop


Alcoholic Anonymous has earned worldwide fame for its success in treating people afflicted with alcoholism. The heart of AA is the twelve step program which, when followed religiously, usually delivers the gift of sobriety.

Illegal aliens are much the same as alcoholics; in fact, most invaders are drunks. Because of the urgent need to rehabilitate these good hearted, hard working criminals, the steps of AA have been adopted to the lives and times of illegal aliens.

As could be expected, the original version of the Twelve Steps of Illegal Aliens is in guttural Mexican, written and produced in San Francisco.

What follows is an English translation, offered for the benefit of taxpayers that need to know how their money is being wasted on illegal aliens.

TWELVE STEPS OF ILLEGAL ALIENS ANONYMOUS


1. We admitted we were powerless over our drive to violate US borders, language, and culture in order to invade America and change everything.

2. Came to believe that Deportations by a power greater than ourselves could be thwarted by moving to San Francisco and other bastions of anti-American liberal insanity known as sanctuary cities.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to La Raza, the ACLU, the DNC, Barack Obama, and John McCain, and the mainstream media.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Finding none, we found "Family Values do not end at the Rio Grande" to be a mindless slogan uttered by a mindless politician bent on mindless pandering to Hispanics and mindless obstruction of the rule of law.

5. Admitted to no one, especially to agents of the Border patrol, Homeland Security, ICE, the Minutemen, and local law authorities, the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to march and riot in the streets should ICE or any other law enforcement agency even consider deporting illegal aliens to the Mexican side of the border.

7. Humbly asked Barack Obama and John McCain to grant amnesty to our sorry, brown butts no later than 1 PM on January 20, 2009.

8. Would have made a list of all persons we had harmed, and would have been willing to make amends to them all, were it not for the fact that we are but a collection of illiterate peasants who could care less about the fate of gringos foolish enough to get in our way.

9. Would never make direct amends to such people, especially since doing so would bring horrific damage to the Mexican economy and the sacred objectives of the Reconquesta movement.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly denied it and shouted RACISM! non-stop at the very top of our lungs.

11. Sought through alcohol and illegal drugs to improve our conscious contact with the omnipotent Illegal Alien in the Sky, as we understood Him, praying only for free tacos and ice-cold beer to sustain us throughout the scalding summer.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we carried this message to other illegal aliens and encouraged them all to vote Democrat in the November elections.


Happy rehab, Pancho!

Rush Rocks to the Tune of $400,000,000.00!

By John W. Lillpop

American super-patriot Rush Limbaugh has proven the superior value of conservative talk by landing a $400 million dollar ($400,000,000.00) contract that will keep the unvarnished truth on the radio airwaves through 2016.

http://drudgereport.com/flashrl.htm

With this latest salary surge, El Rushbo's yearly income now exceeds the salaries of network news anchors Katie Couric, Brian Williams, Charlie Gibson, and Diane Sawyer-- combined!

Having "Talent on Loan from God," has been an enormous asset for Limbaugh who makes talk radio and entertainment sound easy.

To the contrary, however, talk radio is anything but easy, as leftist dim wit Al Franken can attest.

Franken, who once authored a book titled, Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations, has parlayed cocaine, pornography, and tax evasion into a stunning failure at Air America.

Based on news accounts of Limbaugh's new contract, Franken is considering a re-write of his anti-Rush drivel which will be titled, "Rush Limbaugh Is a Billionaire, and God How I Hate and Envy Him!"

Tough tilly, Al.

If elected, perhaps you should introduce legislation making it unlawful for private corporations to discriminate against less talented liberals, like yourself?

Call it the "The Removal of Successful Conservative Broadcasters from Publicly Held Airwaves and Preservation of Liberal Talk through a Fairness Doctrine Act of 2009."

A bit wordy, yes, but spot on in identifying the misery and torment that El Rushbo inflicts on deserving liberals!

Democracy and Freedom: Blessings from Angry, White, Christian Males!

By John W. Lillpop

Although liberal politicians, aided and abetted by a dysfunctional and non-objective mainstream media, rarely miss an opportunity to tear down white Christian males, the truth is that that demographic has done more to benefit humanity than any other group in human history.

After all, it was a courageous band of angry white Christian men who offered all of humanity a glimmer of hope for freedom when, on July 4, 1776, the following Declaration poured forth from the hearts of those angry white Christian males:


IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America


When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

Complete Text:

http://www.ushistory.org/declaration/document/index.htm


Despite a complete lack of diversity, our Founding Fathers created a formula for self-governance and freedom that has endured for 232 years and made America the envy of the entire world.

They did so with no women, no Hispanics and other people of color, no gays or lesbians, and no atheists and non-Christians in their midst.

Faith and courage, rather than state-mandated diversity and affirmative action, lead our founders to bless America with the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Our Founding Fathers needed but one language--English--to deliver their message to the world, a message of hope that still reverberates through the globe.

Those who persist with a mindless and never ending crusade to discredit our Founding Fathers need to replace the anti-white, anti-Christian, and anti-male rhetoric with a measure of thankfulness.

Again,that demographic has produced and perfected the most successful and prosperous society in human history.

They genuinely deserve the respect and undying gratitude of all Americans-- be they white, brown, black, red, or yellow!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Taking a Bite Out of Crime!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Having spent tens of thousands of dollars over the years for dental care, I have reached the point where I am ready to protest by shouting, Enough is Enough!

Despite donating all that money to the wealth and luxury living of my dentist, my front teeth are stained by a brownish-yellow hue, perfect for a bloke content with making a living as the "Before" model in an ad to promote tartar removing tooth paste.

Mind you, I do not smoke or drink, except when trying to figure out how to pay the latest bill from my dentist. That is when several double shots of cognac, taken with the unimpeded flow of full-strength Nitrous Oxide for an hour or so really hits the spot!

Of course, the "whitening" procedure is always an option, provided one has a few superfluous thousand-dollar bills cluttering up one's wall safe or bank deposit box. If not, the next best choice is to smile sparingly, which is becoming easier and easier now that Democrats hold majorities in both chambers of Congress and two far left socialists are running for president.

All my misgivings about dentists notwithstanding, I do make it a point to subject myself to an annual dental examination. I do so just to stay abreast of my dying teeth and the various and sundry bridges, fillings, and other dental "necessities" installed to assure a robust Return on Investment for my dentist.

Every year the story is the same: Go for my annual examination and, when the results are in, cancel all vacation and pleasure outings for the year in order to pay the damned dentist!

This year I decided to do things a little differently: I bribed the night janitor to let me take a peek at my file just to see what was actually being recorded about me and my decadent mouth by my so-called dental care professional.

Here is how my dentist documented my examination, by tooth number:

# 7: Re-carpet family room

#12: Julie's abortion

# 32: Next year--Plasma TV for 2009 Jaguar

The not so good doc summarized the mess with this dilly:

Mr. Lillpop's overall dental health continues to deteriorate significantly from one year to the next. With a bit of good luck, we should be able to get Paul through Stanford before patient Lillpop dies or runs out of money.

Receptionist note: My brother Axel is a loan broker--give patient Lillpop Axel's name and number. If all goes well, Lillpop will need a Home Equity Line of Credit to pay for my services next year. Also, ask bro about my referral fee.

Well, that does it! No more dentists for me. I am going to yank all of my teeth in one grand gesture and buy false teeth.

No more brushing! Or flossing! Or cleaning! Or insurance claim rejections!

False teeth: Taking a bite out of the crime called professional dentistry!